*TRIGGER WARNING*

This is my first time ever doing any sort of blog. I’m a little nervous and scared. social media isn’t something i have really been into but advice from as friend lead me to making this blog. As said in the title I’m hoping that this blog will help me make sense of my own experiences and help others also understand theirs.

First blog day:

I woke up this morning with my mood extremely flat. As if i’m surprised this is normal occurrence. i wake up and have a coffee its my morning ritual. i enjoy coffee not just the taste but the habit. When in these flat moods its a depression like state. I dont want to talk, i dont want to move i sit on the couch and stare into space for hours. Living with people can make this hard as its really hard to explain to someone ‘ oh hey i just dont want to talk at all today.” Today was extremely difficult awful thoughts filled my head when staring into space. thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness. after this i ended up falling asleep for a few hours and woke up just as tired. im a person who is good at hiding how im really feeling but sometimes it all becomes to much and the mask comes off. i feel the real me under the mask is depressed anxious and very miserable. the mask i have created is what others see as a socially exceptable person, that is a camilien, people pleasing and fitting into its surroundings. it has been practicing for so long i almost fool myself until im alone.